20050430


e destructive power of salonpas gel [e sports deep heatin gel] tt 'melted' my muji container... so soft tt it can b 'torn' outta it... w/in 2 daes; feels lk solidified gel/soft mouldable plastic >_< [pix by my m900; super clear & sharp rite? hehe]

20050427

muay thai lvl3 #5

2dae's lina, edwin n me... n amazinly i didnt ko thou i oni zzz 4 4 hrs... there's shadow, shadow techniques, bagwk [i sux; no power], padwk [i sux as well], sparrin w lina n i reali² SUX... her 'rainin punches' r so damn fast tt i cant block not even push kick... her kicks r so hard or's it her shin guards r not tt padded tt it seems so PAINFUL when i get hit... n of coz her push kick's so power tt i prac FLEW away n lied FLAT!!!

I SUX @ 2DAE'S TRAININ SO IM GONA COME DOWN EARLY TMR 2 TRAIN N B DILIGENT IN SELF TRAININ!!!

20050426

cheatin cab driver

start track: kenny g - miracles

overslept so took a cab down 2 sch juz now n got cheated... e cab turned rite, xited @ back of meridien hotel, went down, turned rite @ sg shoppin centre up 2 river valley den down 2 sch... fuck!!! dunno he meant it or wat but its a v? big circle lor... tio jammed summore... no erp leh... costed me a fuckin $5.50... im already as broke as can b liao... T_T he cld ve turned left, go straight via bugis or bencoolen n straight up 2 funan den turn rite 2 rom n down... wah lao eh...

T_T IM SO FUCKIN BROKE LIAO YET STIL GOT PPLE 1 2 CHEAT ME T_T

every1's askin me 2 go 4 bbq on fri but e match's oso den but @ nite i tink... howeva e bbq prob gona end in evenin or mayb nite coz in e HOT pm bbq abit -_-" n oso b4 e food's bbq we all'll b bbq-ed liao... wahaha

end track: 光良 - 一點光一點亮

20050423

drivin prac #11

been 10 daes since i last drove & of coz @ nite... did perpendicular parkin 4 1 hr & e car died x times... parkin manual cars require alot of ctrl on e clutch & accelerator... after tt drove 4 another hr cruisin up 2 60 kmph but oso made sum fatal mistakes lk 4get 2 signal & turn rite, brake w/o lookin @ rear mirror, nv look @ side mirrors, u-turn too early >_<

juz..

im so B.O.R.E.D
zzz @ 0400+ woke @ 1100+
nua @ e gym frm 1200 til now
waitin 4 1500 2 train; 2 vent my rage
tryin 2 kip myself awake coz my zzz head seems so heavy now

ytd was C.H.A.O.S
1 client bcame 2
1's e official client frm 'cws'
e other's e potential user [or so i tink]
did stuffz not under me yet i did it w others lookin & chattin ard ~wtf~
seems im e 'bao ka liao' proj man
tinkins r not synchro thou i tot it was
mayb tis's effect of diff culture upbrinin
every1 1s it simplified so do it but cant we use research stuffz 4 ref instead of mod?
mod w understandin & skills not juz plain copyin brainlessly 4 e sake of submissN ~tt juz sux~
noe its harsh 2 start frm scratch [html-php, access-mysql] but im sure it can b done
my ideals & concepts vs their ideals r concepts = clash & clashes

goin 2 b in 4 a harsh time these 2.5 mths
docs & tech wk omost under me
no wonder meng said 'u doin tech wk y r u oso doin doc wks?'
dunno how 2 get em 2 wk coz every1 seems so clueless abt it
skipin & hopin ard e req & design; juz jump in2 e implementatN sectN juz lk me in e past killin myself
suddenly feel so alone & lonely; doin 'everythin' myself
wish 4 sum1 2 b w me; listen 2 me; fight w me; catch me when im on e verge of fallin
reali miz e guyz in tp

luv u all guyz in tp

20050421

'old' pple

been in contact these few daes w a few 'old' pple... n of coz not in contact w a few other 'old' pple as welll...

old 'pple' #1: jc
saw his msg 1 fine early am [when im stil zzz in bed] askin me if i 1 2 join him in sim 4 pt bscit... surprised huh??? its been lk 16 mths since we last toked/msged 'alot'.. after ah meng's we were both bz in sch n he got attached... after tt he went 4 ns & e last time i saw him was @ tp grad tt was lk 8 mths ago...

old 'pple' #2: thrash
again tis's another old 'pple' tt ive not contacted or met 4 lk... eh... too long liao cant rmb haha~ durin tis period of time she moved hse, had more catz, beta job & life which r her 'upz' now after 'conquerin' e 'downs'...

old 'pple' #3: ah san
been abt 6+ mths since i last saw her... coz of 'my attitude problems' tt made me 1 2 siam... i dunno if we can 'go back' but i noe i'll nid time n when i reali ve nothin on my mind...

since tis yr ive been quite bz w sch, wk, drivin, zzz tt i cant b bothered 2 throw much time in2 goin out w pple & not 2 mention my $ status tt threw me in2 self-isolatN 2 curb my 'urges'... while there r pple i havent been hangin outta w [kk, thing, seth, lynn etc...] n bein outta e circle [no chiong, ktv, movies, jb etc...] there r oso other pple ive been 'hangin' w [guys @ e gym, pple in sch [ltd 2 e campus area]] sumhow tis lifestyle may seem borin & i seemed 2 b domesticated [althou im not an avivid chiongster but i'll stil slack outta my hse] & of coz my life's healthier [away frm chinmies & alcohols] yet stil im kipin pple @ bay coz i noe they wont stay long physically...

if 2 calculate based on internet bandwidth utilizatN it wld b:
logical bandwidth: unlimited, uncalculatable time & volume
physical bandwidth: v limited, calculatable time & volume

20050420

muay thai lvl3 #4

2dae's trainin's w cheryl, edwin & lina [tink so] n e usual stuff juz tt e bagwk damn sux... not in form... thou w a few other combos... sicko~ den its 3xpadwk w cheryl & joe alt... after tt was 1 round sparrin [coz no time] when cheryl grabbed my leg n me bein a BUMMER lost my OH SO IMPT BALANCE n laid flat @ e bginin... so sia suay... >_<

sumthin 2 note: my OH SO IMPT BALANCE simply sux... so im a weakie @ it even after so long... wah lao eh... can die liao lar... T_T

20050415

ah meng o~i~yo~

woke @ 10 when im supposed 2 b in sch den -_-" didnt do e db [coz gona abort e complex mambo db] & e pmp assumptNs [braindead liao] so zoohan was lk 'theres nothin 2 b done so wats e mitin 4?' >_<><

after tt it was rainin catz & dogz all e way til i got off... wanted 2 chiong thru but w/in steps im totally soaked so called him 2 'save' me wahaha so waited & waited til i saw my 恩公 *_* w 1 umbrella... aniwae he sent me ax e bridge n we toked abt intima [e proj i did w em back den], he asked me if i 1 2 go back den i asked him 'u 1 me meh?' haha coz if things go on well prob he'll nid pple 2 do documentatN & research [sumhow 2 him im quick hands @ it ^_^ thou i kinda find it borin... goin 2 do sumthin based on vb/asp.net tis holidae if ve time] but well i 'officially' end sch in nov 05 so wait til den den tok ar hehe... gave him his monkey [shit~ 4got 2 cam it nvm~] den he went back liao...

20050414

IM JUZ SO FUCKIN BROKE!!!

tink im reali v? xtremely PATHETIC!!! tis mth... after returnin my kind creditors, gettin $ back frm my debtors, subtractin my xpenses... im juz left w abt $3/day til 300405!!! can u blieve it???!!!

things i can live w/o: no chiong nvm... no movies nvm... no ktv nvm... no comics nvm... no magz nvm... no pool nvm... no games nvm... no gd food & drinks nvm... n i dun smoke... BUT...

here's SG 1 of e metropolitan where even a western BUN cost $1 <, a chinese BUN cost 50c <, 500ml of h20 $1 < even if u c posh cars cruisin e streets e owners may not b freakin rich thou sum r reali damn RICH... in sg either e pple r REALI DAMN RICH else they r puttin a forced front but e damn richies blong 2 e gov [tts a well known fact] juz look @ e taxes [gst, coe, serv charge blah³]

mood vocab: poor, broke, pathetic, down, demoralized, dezperate, helpless

20050413

muay thai lvl3 #3

2dae's edwin & me... @ 1st i tot its goin 2 b pt til he appeared @ e last min phew~ else die liao... aniwae e usual skippin, warm ups, shadow, 3x bag & padwk alt, 3x rounds sparrin w joe alt btwn him n me, 50 pumpin & 100 crunches...

e entertainin pt 2dae's of coz SPARRIN!!! dunno how long nv spar w joe liao... ^_^ due 2 insufficient zzz [these 2 daes oni zzz 4 4 hrs >_<] & heavy wkload [lotsa reports & setup 2 do] so form isnt v gd therfore hrt [human reactN time]'s slower... althou joe's in front of me & i noe he's gona whack me but he's not in my 'front focus range' he seems 2 b @ e side & i noe he moved but oni react when e hit reached me which's too late... tis cont 4 2 rounds til e last round tt i reali threw everythin out & 'reacted' actively so managed 2 hit him a few x... hehe~ but stil i tio whacked more... howeva edwin's reali quite gd; he managed 2 hit joe a few x but oso got hit a few x back...

20050410

$ matas...

been tinkin these few daes abt e upcomin stuffs & $ matas...

drivin
things ve stablized so its down 2 2 hrs/wk = 8 hrs/mth = $160 [can cope w my pay] hope can pass 1st time so can get rid of tis load...

once in a lifetime 21st b-dae
my okasan ve been askin me wat i 1... chalet? poolside? restaurant? e thing's who'll come since im lk so dao... chalet ve 2 get food & drinks & cant wreck havoc since she's ard... if go pub oso nid a sum & dunno where 2 go since quite sumtime since i last went sumware [more den 2 mths!!!] & those 'ideal' places r down liao so... if restaurant ve 2 decide on who... tinkin of e ms buffet wahahaha else 4get abt it since tt dae ve sch & wk... dunno lar pple help me tink of ideas leh... but 2 me b-dae's juz b-dae lor...

notebk
been tinkin if i shld get a 2nd hand notebk 4 e projs but e thing's will i use it other den e projs or's it juz 4 mobility sake [2 do programmin & displayin @ sch]... dun 1 it 2 end up lk my gateway tts gone 4eva >_<>_< mayb i shld give it up & kip e $ 4 future use so i wont b so broke...

I HATE E FEEL OF BEIN BROKE!!!
WHERE I CANT B LK HOW I USED 2 B...
ALWAZ TINKIN ABT E 'SHALL I OR SHALL I NOT' QNS >_<
ARGH TTS SO PATHETIC & SAD & OF COZ DUN SUIT MY NAME: JOY!!!
but well i tink every1'll go thru tis phase & learn $ management e hard way so... GANBATTE!!!

20050409

unreasonable man...

went 2 e gym & ate brenda's v&#179; dry beehoon [i luv slurp~] den started trainin @ 1500 den finished @ ard 1630... v long nv self train liao... managed 2 throw a few fast punches & high kicks... oso 2 gauge wats my max... goin 2 train tmr again ^_^

was on 980 frm bugis juz now den @ e little india mrt stop there was a commotN cozed by an indian ojisan who was 'scoldin' e bus driver coz he stopped b4 e 'front' of e stop & wanted 2 drive off w/o movin 2 e front... so he was kpkb abt it sayin 'he stopped bhind oso ve 2 stop in front b4 drivin off' blah&#179; & stil said 1 2 call e police [juz 2 stops ahead]... den he was 'arguin' w a chinese ojisan sayin 'u dunno e 'law' so u dun tok' den sumthin abt 'i dun care'... if not 4 another ojisan @ e back tellin e driver 2 drive off & dun care else e bus'll b stuck there 4 dunno how long liao...

20050407

sigh... sian... fuck... shit... wa lao eh... damn...

start track: wkrz urban lounge

HELP!!! SOS!!! 救命!!!

strugglin w documentatNs tt i dun 1 2 coz its outta my league... if im e 1 doin i'll noe wat i 1 but im not so im neither here nor there... juz doin sum stuff pple dunno how 2 do... not even tinkin abt e credits... juz hope 2 complete tis successfully n not b lk wat happened in tp...

'new' technologies r used... sum r optimistic abt it coz ve 'ready-mades', sum r rejectin it coz of e word 'dunno', sum juz 1 e ez way out by writin... me? im optimistic abt it if its frm 'scratch' which im sure can complete in 14 wks... plan: html & db concurrent & php @ e back... is it so diff 4 pple 2 learn new stuff rather den juz mod frm others?

e mentality of pple's juz 2 get thru w a 'p' they r satisfied & 2 get tt piece of paper irregardless of e grade or whether it looks nice 2 their future bosses... past mentality of mine back in tp tt got me in2 shit... tts y im crammin here now 2 make up 4 it... howeva i tink w my kinda attitude [bein autistic & anti_social] doesnt reali 'allow' me 2 do grp wk [else i fuck up e whole thing or i fuck up myself or i pray tt 'caretakers'll pull me [a leech] thru]

final proj... 1 of e most impt unit yet its so fuck... but thx god its oni 1 sem unlk monash's 2 sem else i can kill myself liao...

y r pple scared of changes? if every1's 2 stay stagnant & juz mod frm others, wat creativity & innovatN wld there b? life wld b so predictable & borin...

ITS SO FUCKIN SIAN/BORIN/IRRITATIN
CAN SUM1 PULL ME OUTTA TIS SHITHOLE???!!!
IM TOO DEMORALIZED!!!

20050405

drivin prac #10

went ard route #5 & #6 2dae... quite a long dist countin i drove 4 3 hrs til zgl had a butt ache haha~ 1 lorry drove out w/o seein me & omost banged in2 us, 1 bike & car cut my path, another car cut unsuccessfully... but more on e road prac... mount e kerb when doin u-turn coz not 'front' enuf... saw a tp miz e left turn 2 zebra crossin so ve 2 go str8 & died in e mid of e rd coz he/she was panickin... he said tt person failed liao coz nv go where he/she's supposed 2 go 2... after next wk'll b parkin & circuit liao so can cut down on e hrs & $... its oni 0504 & im BROKE liao... broke daes bginin earlier...

20050404

new cat... ~meow~

start track: lush995

went 2 e cat show @ expo w kk n there were mani³ catz!!! so mani tt i was bz cammin em... well e cat show had all e 'class' catz & omost all of em were 'prized' i tell u... mostly long haired pure breed... & pple were crammin all over em... managed 2 touch a few thou ^_^ tink e owners muz ve spent alot of effort & time on em...

went over 2 e cws side & there were abt 40 catz over there ^_^ howeva 2 get in, ve 2 fill in an 'interested 4 adoptN' form so kk filled & we waited... there were oso mani catz in there & of coz me; bein a cat craz of coz was bz cammin em again wahahaha... as luck wld ve it kk spotted a pure ginger 2 yo male called ollie [they r goin 2 call him o~ni aka taro aka yam >_<] n after time she decided 2 adopt it!!! her requirements: cat tt zzz & dun coz much panic ^_^ n ve 2 stay put in her rm most of e time... so ollie was e 1!!! e cat was oso fostered by sia ping so can say got 'fate' w her ^_^

after tt went 2 bj pet luvers centre 2 get e minimal basic stuff den back hm... her sis & dad were quite acceptable 2 it n it hid in e rm under her bed after we let it out... coz all of us laid flat 2 coax it out... but it didnt so aniwae had dinner w em & her mum was #_% abt it...

@ abt 2200 ollie came out, ate, drank den movin 'actively' ard & of coz bouncin & nuain on her bed... well tis cat's prev owner was an english who 'lost' e vac card so cldnt bring it back so prob its used 2 zzz w e owner liao...

after tt i went hm & told mum abt it n she was sayin 'no pets. if u bring a cat in, i'll kill e MOUSE'... >_<

end track: lush995

20050401

year of e thrazhed

not feelin optimistic abt e projs... more constraints den ever... pple doin things [e ever 'who 1 2 do n dun do wat], time 2 multitask btwn sch, wk n nfs, knowledge 2 do things, wkload cruzhing... so much wk yet so little time, so little time 2 get more $, so little $ yet so much spendins... its juz so fuckin thrazhed...